**10% discount on any concept that features a monkey does not apply to animated monkeys, sock-puppet monkeys, monkey literary allusions, monkeys carrying SARS, RABIES or Covid-19 through 23. No sea-monkeys. No monkey mascots (well, maybe). Or Planet of the Apes posters on the wall in the background. They must be friendly, non-biting and look good in a Sherlock Holmes hat. No simple dialogue exclamations, like “Monkey Balls!!” No cheeky monkeys, absolutely no ex-astronaut monkeys with a big ego. Gorillas are monkeys but we’re scared of them so none of them either. All discounts are subject to a hefty handling fee, a craft-service surcharge, applicable vaccinations for cast and crew, and other indiscriminate fees that will probably negate the original discount. Discount is variable based on Beef & Pie’s coffee intake that day. Kindness is rewarded with a better rate. All client services are suspended if the monkey throws feces on set or refuses to wear its sailor’s cap. All results of this offer have been neither closely considered or legally binding. In fact, all decisions were rendered around a table of beer drinking, employees who have their own ugly monkeys on their back to deal with.